Food

Healthy or Hungover #11

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I WAS BORN A GiRL.

I don't know if this is normal or not but like I start crying about MOST THINGS. Watching “Love Actually” alone? Crying. Gwen Stefani music video “I know we're cool”? Crying. Nature's Own bread commercial? Crying. The cashier lady at the bodega lookin' at me wrong? Crying. Staring at my reflexion in the L train and realizng I look REALLY TIRED? Crying. Little boy in Target laughing in my general direction?!?!! Crying. EX-BOYFRIEND telling me he won't kiss me cuz I look “like a BRO in a BASEBALL CAP”???? CRYING.

VALENTINE'S DAY IS NOT FOR CRYING. My favorite barista overheard me talking to my sister about “DAMMIT, I'M SINGLE ON VDAY WHOOPZ” and she was all “Celebrate yo love for everything girl! You can be single, whatevah.” That blew my mind. I was thinkin…”WAiT…U don't like have 2 B someone'z GF to celebrate VDAY?????? That means I can stiLL CeLeBraTE!!!!! I love celebrationz!!! More coffee for EVERYONE…ON ME!!!! Does NE1 in this coffee shop even care that I just came to a realization!?!??! Oh everyone's one their laptop.” So I started thinking about what I love: HAWT DUDE$, the BEACH, MuSiC, SunShine, ART, NiCE people, and FOOD! Guess what y'all….everything I love exists in one place: BRAZiL. This Valentines day I'm makin' my own version of a traditional Brazilian sandwich to celebrate my LOVE 🙂 🙂

Brazilian Banana Hot Cakes

(serves 4)

1 1/2 Cups Flour

1 TBS Sugar
1 Cup Coconut Milk
2 TBS Ricotta Cheese

2 Eggs (or Egg Substitue like Yogurt or Flax)
1/3 Cup Butter
1/2 Cup Water

2 tsp Baking Powder
1 tsp Baking Soda
Block of Cheddar Cheese

2 Bananas
1 TBS Cinnamon
A lil more Sugar n Butter

Separate dry ingredients and wet ingredients with Flour, Baking Powder and Baking Soda in a small bowl and the Ricotta, Eggs, Coconut Milk, Butter and Sugar in a medium bowl.

Then WHISK WHISK WHISK WHISK WHISK!!! Add Flour mixture gradually until combined. Then slowly start adding water and WHISK WHISK WHISK WHISK WHISK so there are no lumps!

Now let's turn this into PANCAKEZ!! I must say I'm not the hugest pancake fan usually. But when you use these amazZzing ricotta pancakes instead of bread for these Brazilian Banana Hot Cakes?!?!!? It's like what you wished McGriddles would taste like when you're SoBeR!!! I got the idea to make these when I was in Brazil with Prince Rama a couple months ago. I asked our sweet waitress (in English) for a Guava and Cheese pastry. She returned with what looked like a grilled cheese sandwich with banana inside. I was totaLLy baFFled but also couldn't speak Portuguese so I was all “Gracias giRL!!!” When I tried it I was SO pleasantly surprised! She was wearing 3 different color eyeshadows and totally had a crush on our bassist. To tell you the truth, I had a crush on everyone out there. Even the janitors were kinda hot!! This totaLLy ripped man in a white speedo came up to us at the beach with a tray of frozen Acai, granola, and honey. He didn't even have to ask if I wanted it….my answer for ANY of his questionz would have been “I DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” My standards for dudes have definitely changed since visiting there. I got my eyes set on Brazilian Hot Cake men like this:

Never will I ever date some American cheeseburger like this:

So butter up a cast iron skillet and start pouring your batter in. Wait until little bubbles form at the bottom of each hot cake then FLIP it!

While your hot cakes are going we can start preparing our banana and cheese filling.

Does anyone understand Aphrodisiacs??? I was going to try to make a recipe that would totaLLy turn everyone on but like…..does that even work?? I was lookin' up Top Ten Aphrodisiacs for Valentines Day and got sUPeR conFuSed. Garlic??? Are you kidding me?? You'll have bad breath the rest of the night! Chocolate makes sense. It's kinda cute when your date orders a piece of Chocolate Cake to share. But if you're me you end up eating THA WHOLE THAAANG while homeboy goes to the bathroom!!! WHOOPZZ!!! And THAT'S not Sexy!!!!!! Then you're supposed to pair everything with Red Wine which would totaLLy make me cry….Aphrodisiacs are a MESS!!!! Oysters kinda make sense maybe…I think….Are they only an Aphrodisiac because they look like a Va-jayjay?!?!? Prolly taste like one too?? I wouldn't know cuz I don't dive into seafood or giRLz :/ :/ But lots of dudez dig it (????)!!! Personally, the only “SexXxy food” on the list that made sense to me was:

Chop the Bananas and slice the Cheddar. Throw the Bananas into a buttered frying pan with some Cinnamon. Let them get lightly browned then sprinkle sugar on them. Don't forget about your hot cakes either!!!!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh the aroma is takin' me back!!!! The livin' is SO EASY in BraziL!! Here in New York we have so many dilemmas everday. Like, which subway car am I going 2 get in??? Smelly dreadlock lady with a dog just got into that one…dude wearing two hatz and a full length leather jacket just got into that one…getting BaD ViBeZ from all of Car #3…super make-out couple just got into the fourth one…DAMMiT I'M ABOUT TO MiSS the G TRAiN AND THE NEXT ONE PROLLY ISN'T FOR ANOTHER HOUR!!!! Maybe I could kill some time by going to the Bodega upstairs… BUT THEY DON'T EVEN HAVE MY FAVORiTE FLAVOR OF KOMBUCHA. Should I just look like an asshoLe and wear my sunglasses in the Subway so I don't have to make eye contact with NE1?? I'm holding too much stuff!!! What if I'm late for Yoga?? Will the agro yoginis still let me in??? Wait…..how did I just get a text message underground?!!! Oh great!!! Thanks for reminding me about how people get shoved in front of Subways, MOM!!!!!!

In BraziL the dilemmas are like Should I buy this super colorful sorang that says “Rio De Janiero” on it?? Maybe I'll get a second coconut to drink on this gorgeous beach. Should I pay a lil extra and have them put a shot of Tequila in it?!!?!? DUHH!!! Which picture of Sugar Loaf mountain should I Instagram??? Did that Brazilian Bro just look at me? Or at my sister?? Or at the dude behind me?!?! Or at the Thong Lady next to me???? Is the museum still open?? I should learn PORTUGUESE!! I think I'm crazZzy sunburnt!!!