MTV to host VMAs in Brooklyn, whole borough jumps the shark

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If you didn't know that MTV still existed, you'll get an obnoxious reminder in August when the TV network is bringing its circle jerky awards show to the Barclays Center in Brooklyn for the first time in history. Prior to this year's historical event, the awards had always been held in . . . well, somewhere else, probably LA or not Brooklyn? It doesn't matter because the whole event lost relevance the minute Kanye West swaggered on stage in a Hennessy haze, except ten or twenty years before that.

The show will take place on August 25 at the rustbowl home of the Brooklyn Nets, where Jay-Z reigns like the King of a small island, and will be the 30th anniversary of the first Video Music Awards, which will always be remembered by Madonna writhing around in a bustier and garter. Likely candidates for performances include Justin Timberlake, a 20-oz bottle of soda, the Brooklyn Nets cheerleaders in Lululemon recalled yoga pants, an actual astronaut, a Marty Markowitz rapping tribute to the Beastie Boys discography, and brunch menu items that scroll across your screen like a news ticker as a reminder of what's most important in the cultural capital. Warby Parker will also allegedly be delivering free Buddy Holly 3D glasses to homes within a 3-mile radius of the Center, for an interactive and trendy experience.

Here's to hoping that Mark McGrath extends his Under the Sun Sugar Ray reunion tour by a few weeks so we can be sure to have other plans that night.