February's Most Average Moments

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Kurt Cobain

The truth is, we're weeping. Just like the newly unveiled weeping Kurt Cobain statue in good ole Aberdeen, Washington, we've got tears in our eyes for the shortest month of the year that still somehow felt the longest. Whatever mythical hex that goddamn groundhog put on us has got to take a breather, especially since it effectively put an end to the precious life of Harold Ramis. Why you gotta be so cruel, February? After all we've done for you this month, you think you'd wanna give us a freebie, but nah. With notes of Drake, hints of beef, awards shows, and the Winter Olympics just proving that we care about so little at the end of the day, we're glad to see you go. Good riddance.

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Billy Corgan craps on Siddhartha

Remember that sense of self obtained from the first time you read Herman Hesse's Siddhartha? Remember how it gave you inner peace to pursue the loftiest of dreams because it was all part of your spiritual journey?

Billy Corgan felt the same way and decided to poop on your experience with an eight hour ambient session built around his interpretations of the 1922 novel. Somehow Billy read Siddhartha and walked away with a renewed spirit for indulgence. People are strange.

Russian Police Choir perform "Get Lucky"

We're sure faux lesbian pop duo t.A.T.u thought they'd make headlines for being pretend gay in Russia and performing at the opening ceremony, but no one seems to recall them being there. All is in the shadow of a Russian Police Choir going Village People all over Daft Punk's "Get Lucky".

It's really hard to watch the performance, particulary the many troubled faces of older officers (expressions that say 'what's this funny feeling in my loins right now'), and take the invasion of the Ukraine anything remotely Russian seriously.

Lily Allen titles new record Sheezus

In an interiew on BBC's Graham Norton Show, Lily Allen said her new album title, Sheezus, is "a confident title choice and a little nod to Kanye West." Later she took to Twitter to clear the air further with "it's an homage. not a piss take."

Whatever happened to dry British humor?

Detroit chef poisons locals with Kid A inspired menu

We just imagine the people of Detroit looking at a 10 course meal of manchego crisps, oil-poached monkfish, white asparagus, and pink peppercorn gastrique and saying "you know what else goes good with Kid A? A sixer of Black Label." (Then spits onto pavement outside restaurant.)

Perfect Pussy's new take on Spin Art

When we were kids, things seemed so simple. Sandboxes, Legos, the occasional carnival with a stand to dabble in some light contemporary art by way of a casual evening of Spin Art. If we had only known that the grownup version of this required us to make noisepunk records pumped full of our own blood, we'd probably have thought twice about getting involved. Adulthood sucks.

Drake is mad about Phillip Seymour Hoffman's death

Drake, who is such a wet blanket that it's hard to imagine his heart rate ever reaching high enough to produce anger, was actually mad at Phillip Seymour Hoffman—after he died. Promised the cover of an upcoming Rolling Stone, the rapper railed on his Twitter, saying he was "disgusted" when Rolling Stone gave the cover to PSH instead of the Champagne Papi. Drake, y u mad? That's dissrespectful.

Are Thee Oh Sees broken up? Or are they back together? Are they on? Are they off?

John Dwyer loves to work. In fact, he loves to work so much that he's taking the Willy Loman version of garage rock to the next level. Coachwips will be playing SXSW, and Thee Oh Sees, who had taken announced a hiatus, have now come off that hiatus in under two months to put out a new record. Slow down, Dwyer. Take a load off. Don't want them dogs to be barking at the end of the day.

Emo is back, like, really back

Pitchfork's Ian Cohen gave The Hotelier's Home, Like Noplace Is There a rousing 8.2, and like that the emo revival speculation was cemented into reality. But have you thought about the business side of it yet? Have you?

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