Week 2 of the NFL season saw three teams hang up 40 points, a franchise quarterback get injured, while another had a divine intervention. The Chip Kelly Experiment limped into 0-2, The Cardinals proved they are probably for real, and if your new underdog isn’t an orange team out of Cleveland, I don’t know what you’re watching. What a time to be alive!
The Arizona Cardinals started the day with an effortless 108-yard kickoff return for a touchdown by rookie David Johnson. That turned out to just be the beginning.
The Cards ran it ALL up against the Bears, even before Chicago quarterback Jay Cutler went out with a hamstring injury. Carson Palmer reeled off four touchdowns in an efficient 185 yards and was only picked off once. He also went without getting sacked, which given his bird bones, is a plus. Larry Fitzgerald caught eight of his nine targets—three for touchdowns—for 112 yards as Arizona almost hung up two dimes on Chicago. It’s good to see Arizona’s 2014 campaign wasn’t a fluke, fingers crossed they can stay healthy this time around.
Travis Benjamin made Titans punter Brett Kern revive the planking trend. Hopefully Kern consoled himself in the loss by going home and watching The Office on Netflix. Meanwhile, Travis Benjamin is Johnny Football’s favorite target, going for two long touchdowns, in addition to Benjamin’s 78-yard punt return for a TD.
Odell Beckham Jr did Odell Beckham Jr things and grabbed a ball out of the air, ran 67 yards for a touchdown and ended with the Christiano Renaldo celebration cause, you know, whatevs.
Oh man. Remember how bad the Tampa Bay Buccaneers looked last week? Jameis Winston’s first NFL pass was a pick-six and Marcus Mariotta carved up their secondary? Well, by the powers of deductive reasoning, how bad are the New Orleans Saints? So bad they made Jameis Winston look good! How good?
Today's award for worst football coverage goes to Saints corner Delvin Breaux pic.twitter.com/FNEcLDRR9W
— SB Nation GIF (@SBNationGIF) September 20, 2015
Get the bags out, ‘Aints fans.
Dez Bryant, he of the large contract and favorite receiver of Tony Romo of the Dallas Cowboys has bad news get worse as his broken foot injury turned out to be more serious than first expected. Bryant needed a bone graft during surgery, which pushed his recovery time from 4-6 weeks to 10-12, as Cowboys fans cling to the hope he can at least come back in time for the playoffs. With the NFC East being inconsistent at best and a possibility for it to be downright bad, the Cowboys have a decent shot at getting back into the playoffs, but still a bummer. Can’t get worse than that, right?
But then it got totally worse! Tony Romo went down with a clavicle fracture in the win over the Philadelphia Eagles and it had everyone so flustered people forgot basic anatomy. This is pretty bad for the Cowboys who had probably their best shot of getting to the Super Bowl in recent memory and now seem destined for an 8-8 season.
— SportsPickle (@sportspickle) September 20, 2015
Aaron Rodgers did Aaron Rodgers things against the Seahawks Sunday night and made Russell Westbrook look pretty mortal, then piled it on with ethering Russell over his BFF. Then this happened-
— Desus Nice (@desusnice) September 21, 2015
The Weekly “Offensive Move That Is The Embodiment of A Young Thug Track” Award
dogggg if cam newton is gonna be out here just karate flipping over bitches then i quit https://t.co/xNG1etw3bu
— Shea Serrano (@SheaSerrano) September 20, 2015
What to Watch for in Week 3
Oakland Raiders at Cleveland Browns. Let’s go all in on this wildin’ Browns team before they implode and start blaming local citizens by name for their misfortune.
Washington Football Team at New York Giants (Thursday night)
San Francisco 49ers at Arizona Cardinals (I know, right?)
What NOT to Watch Week 3
Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Houston Texans. Call your mom, wash your car, tack on another two hours to your brunch. This game is mediocrity come to life.
Chicago Bears at Seattle Seahawks
Denver Broncos at Detroit Lions (Sunday night)