Did you know if you play fantasy basketball you have to update your roster daily? You don’t have to. You don’t have to do anything. You can let the dishes pile up in the sink, flood the hamper with clothing. You can rouse yourself only for food and toilet needs. But if you want to carpe diem it, if you want to do your duty as an American and rise up from your station, you have to update your fantasy roster daily.
If you don’t, you tend to leave ‘Melo and Z-Bo stranded on the bench letting a couple of 20-10 nights go down the drain. And then you go from number 1 to number 3 in just a few weeks, and then you forget to write articles for Impose detailing your descent from the mountain, and then friends start calling less and less, and rent seems to come around more often than once a month, and then your boss catches you looking up pictures of Selena Gomez and Gucci Mane and so he kills your internet connection, and you make a joke with the new girl now that you’re desperate for some human contact and of course, because this is the downward spiral that is now your life, she takes the joke the wrong way and reports you to HR.
In the real world, the Pacers – My Pacers, as sports is always fantasy – are finally getting copy in national publications. They’ve been playing well enough that I don’t care when Monta Ellis chucks thirty shots in a night and completely tanks Team Impose’s shooting percentage. And how am I supposed to think about picking someone up for Chris Kaman when the Pacers did absolutely everything right against the Knicks the other night? This fantasy phenomenon is a funny thing. Mostly because I keep forgetting to play. Sometimes it’s just fun enough to watch a game. Did you see the Steph Curry show at MSG last night? Or SacTown taking Miami to double overtime? Sports, I repeat, are always some kind of fantasy.
But we march on because we have a responsibility to the team. We don’t quit. That is for quitters. We open the browser and labor the mouse over our stars, align them into the winning constellation, and destroy this week’s competition. And then we watch Steph Curry cross up George Hill and Psycho T again and again, and think how do we get him on our team?
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There are now asterisks attached to us, Gothamist, and Thrasher. I have no idea what that means. I also still have no idea how to propose a trade with someone, nor why someone would want to trade. Gothamist, if you’re listening, we’ll give you Thaddeus Young and 200 pageviews for LeBron James.
Until next week.
