Listen: Your golden arches, in my mouth

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Foot Patrol: your unadulterated ticket to foot fetish funk.

For those who missed our SXSW shows, I present the band Impose is scared to admit we love: Foot Patrol.

Morris Day and the Time lived for the funk, the whole funk, and nothing but the funk. Foot Patrol are about that funk as well, but are more interested in the funk in your sneakers. Just when you thought it was safe to wear sandals, along came foot fetish funk.

Foot Patrol is an Austin, Texas based duo (though they performed as a full on big band for SXSW 2008) who managed to write an entire album about its love for counting piggies called “Toetry in Motion” in 2006, then in an act that defies the laws of gimmick bands, released a follow-up EP called “Smellebration” in 2007. But, the toe-tapping, toe-licking goodness does not stop… oh no… it can't stop, “Such A Pity” is the first single from a possible 2008 release called “No Small Feat.”

A little back story, and shoot us if this is apocryphal: TJ Wade is a blind security guard at University of Texas at Austin who listened exclusively to gangsta rap. He was recruited to rap/sing for Foot Patrol by UT employee Hung Ngueyn, who in turn recruited UT music professors to be Foot Patrol's backing band. The pair wear security guard uniforms onstage.

I cannot decide what is more scary, three albums about feet, or the fact that “Such A Pity” is the Foot Patrol's cheesiest, best song to date, opening the possibility that foot funk could become a legitimate genre.

Foot Patrol, “Such A Pity”