Colleen Green
One time a very wise buddy told me that lesbian breakups take at least six months no matter what, and it couldn't have been more true. I had just broken up with my girlfriend not long before New Years, and decided to just stop leaving my room. I even got kind of got addicted to online shopping for a while, bought one of those cute fake vintage USB record players that you can put right by your bed so you don't have to leave it. I got stuck on only grocery shopping through Amazon Fresh delivery (just-add-water soups!) and listening to the Colleen Green EP over and over. It's perfect garage pop songs! For several wintery months this was my go to jam, and I enjoyed crazy single life where I let myself be as self-absorbed as humanly possible, slept a lot, let my life revolve around my workout schedule, sleeping, and listening to a bunch of fuzzed out reverb of female-fronted garage.
Head and the Heart
I started getting pursued by a lady who has extremely different taste in music than me. It wasn’t horrible taste I guess…it just was a little lot of mainstream beard rock that I just don't understand. I’ve only dated people with immaculate taste in music, and so at first this was kind of a slight concern for me, since I’ve long proposed that I could never date someone with bad taste in music. She liked the Head and the Heart, and that fucking killed me. That band fucking sucks.
Fleetwood Mac
But, since dating people with identical taste in music has only brought total NUTBALLS to my life, I decided this was a requirement that was no longer doing me any favors. And it's not like she has bad taste, just less punk bands and less common ground. If we ever get to feeling like we're too different in that department, I just put on Rumours, the ultimate equalizer. We fell in love. I made carefully manipulative comments about Head and the Heart and she sort of phased it out.
Rebecca Black
I don't know what happened but things had been going so well in the relationship that when i went on tour, all of a sudden I missed my girlfriend more than I’ve ever missed anyone. Usually I am totally fine, but I got real sappy this time around. Totally sullen and miserable. The only cure for this was blasting hours of mindless pop music on repeat to keep myself sane. Rebecca Black’s “Friday” is just a robotic conehead singing pre-teen fun.
Kreayshawn/Taylor Swift
Sometimes I have a problem with jealousy, and had a jealous explosion when I found out my girlfriends ex-fuckbuddy friend with the overplucked eyebrows was after her again. I got kind of catty. I was listening to Kreayshawn's “Gucci Gucci,” at the time…her dissing on “basic bitches” felt kind of good. When I was feeling very mean during a fight, I threw out that the girl looked like a rat wearing lipstick, an insult I have only previously reserved for describing Taylor Swift. My girlfriend got mad and I said that I was sorry, but I wasn't.
Maroon Five
I hate Mick Jagger, Mick Jagger’s dancing and Maroon Five. But this song “Moves like Jagger” is so fucking catchy. My girlfriend brought it back from a tour she was on, and I couldn’t get over how much I loved the Christina Aguilera breakdown. For one of our dance parties, I guess it was a good thing that the girlfriend had unlinked her Spotify account from Facebook earlier that day, because I played that song about a dozen times, along with a slew of unmentionable '90’s hits that would have reflected poorly on her or anyone associated with the playlist of that night.
Tune-Yards
Holy shit, this is just the best stuff to get you out of a funk if you are feeling like you are losing your edge to a relationship. I started to feel a little too domestic and, as a person who feels very detached and independent in my relationships this started to feel a little weird and hard to adjust to. So, thank god there is Tune-Yards…it makes me feel crazy and unsettled like how I was used to feeling pre-domestication.
