Sorry striptease classes, Bikram yoga, cornfield frolicking, and Crossfit, but Lady Gaga's got the hot new workout plan to look good naked. While other info-mercials can only state that you'll “look good naked” with testimonials by actors, Lady Gaga's Abramovic Method involves actual nudity to illustrate just how trim you'll look simply by huging a giant crystal, while letting out a gutteral Mongolian throat solo.
Designed to heighten one's awareness to their physical and mental experiences in the present moment, the Abramovic Method requires three easy payments of $9,999.99. With those installments you get one giant crystal, one janitor's jump suit, one Heaven's Gate track suit, one Madonna bra-mask (in a color of your choosing), one wooden high chair, a copy of Lady Gaga's Born This Way, a free mp3 of the upcoming single of her album Artpop, and if you order now, they'll throw in 15 tiny crystals at no extra charge*.
*Babbling brook and secluded lodge where no one will judge you for being naked and making weird throat sounds not included.