Let's just get it out of the way—October was one flaming jack-o-lantern of fury that wouldn't end. Mercury is in retrograde, the Red Sox won some big contest unrelated to virility, Allen Iverson retired, a legend left us, and “goon rapper” Drake dressed up like a 2006 joke in favor of the worst part of October—shudder—Halloween. Despite spending years trying to will Halloween into non-existence, the slutty pencil sharpeners keep on coming, and we're left to wonder, is nothing sacred? Thankfully, we'll be moving on to greener and turkier pastures in the month of November (on the record the best month of the year), and this will soon all be behind us. Until then, follow us into the darkness that was October—just try to keep your wits about you.