The Most Average Moments of November 2014

Impose Automaton

On a monthly basis we tend to suggest it may have been the worst month yet, but refrain from the hyperbole. In our heads we think, ‘yeah it’s bad, but it could be so much worse.’ And then, November happened.

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Do we dare mention specifics or did you feel it like we felt it and we can silently agree this was the worst month of 2014 without contention?

Our list of average moments were more like silly reprieve from situations in our country that are legitimately terrifying and cause for alarm, cause for actual headlines and think pieces. Who cares about Billy Corgan and the cat community’s battle with Anderson Cooper at a time like this? Why in the fuck would I wear a “Fuck you, Anderson Cooper” shirt with cats on it, when I should be more upset with Don Lemon hiding his arrogance and indifference to empathy behind a gas mask?

November’s most average moments was written without irony because at this moment in our lives irony is uncouth. Keep that in mind every time you champion Parquet Courts (or Parkay Quartz), Ariel Pink, and Father John Misty in your year-end lists.

Interpol snowed-in

We don’t say this often, but…

Thanks Buffalo.

This month you piled your snow high enough to keep Interpol from being a band for a few days and the sun shined brighter elsewhere.

You know how we know Interpol is a bad bad?

Not one snowman built during their marooning, just product placement for Tito’s Vodka.

“Fuck You, Anderson Cooper.”

Mess with Smashing Pumpkins or Billy Corgan… meh, whatever.

Cats were caught in the crossfire, though?

It’s freakin’ on! As proven by Smashing Pumpkins capitalizing on our catfinity (might as well become a word) with t-shirts commemorating that time Anderson Cooper dissed PAWS magazine.

Ariel Pink sux forever.

Imagine Ariel Pink is not a musician but your coworker. He’s the coworker that makes lewd comments about the female employees and thrives in making uncomfortable situations worse. He’s the type of guy that thinks getting limos are cool. Everyday you think, that’s it, I’m filing a complaint. But, you don’t and hope someone else takes the initiative.

Now imagine that instead of filing the complaint you went to Best Buy and bought that coworker’s CD.

Scott Stapp’s crowdfunding

Currently there are 102 supporters in favor of funding a Stapp solo record and fiction novel.

That’s right 102 people see no problem giving money to the guy recording fake-testimonial videos on being homeless, lying about frozen assets by the IRS, and making terrorist threats to his child’s school, all while abusing crystal meth, steroids, and amphetamines… because he recently published the Facebook status, “I will NEVER give up or lose my faith.”

The Brooklyn Patch

Here’s how you punish the Brooklyn music industry folk that criticize the Doritos vending machine stage at SXSW, while encouraging musicians to shut up and take the money.

Pave paradise and put up a Sour Patch Kids funded Airbnb-of-sorts in their neighborhood.

Never forget.

Since July 2013.

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