The Most Average Moments of September 2014

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It’s the first day of October, the equinox has come and gone, and we still feel compelled to make Drake “Worst Behaviour” references because this shit is a vortex. Where’s the silver lining besides our Best Music list arriving tomorrow? We’d have to say that while our government’s impotence in raising the minimum wage will likely be stuck in its own vortex of “hold until after the primaries, please,” you can always make it in America on the skills you actually gained from that college education. Namely, blunt rolling, but more on that later.

It was yet another month of lies, deceit, exploitation, and the surprise knowledge that Twilight fans are racist trolls. (Time to revamp the series with a third mythical creature!) We feel it’s the photo shown above that best indicates the static condition in our culture of crap. Look it’s a musician we’ve mostly forgotten about (notice she’s not promoting a new record), holding a famous cat from the Internet, and they both have the most adorable cause to promote! Has our generation’s Morrissey/Corgan of innocuous causes just been anointed? Is nothing the sign of the apocalypse anymore? Are we mad as hell, but totally taking in stride because that’s just how we do? Selah.