June’s Most Average Moments

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June was so excruciating in shameful celebrity behavior and shameful endorsement via media bating that we invented a new drinking game. Well, it’s not so much a game as it is, a combination of bad beverages and bad habits inspired by Eddie Vedder.

We mix Mariah Carey’s Butterfly soda with two fingers of Earl Stevens’ Mangoscoto (yup, that’s E-40’s wine) in a crusty Converse collected from Shea Stadium’s lost and found, a la Eddie Vedder drinking from a fan’s shoe. What can we say, the man is an inspiration. (Sidenote: if any of the parties involved, Mariah, Earl, or Converse want to sponsor our next event, we’ve got the bar menu laid out.)

As for those rare sober moments? We spent those wishing we had a supply of airtight, soundproofed boxes to stuff this crap in like it’s the metal band, Unfathomable Ruination. Oh, that satisfaction we’d get sealing that sucker closed, tossing the key down a storm drain, and whistling while we walk away.