January's 10 most average moments

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Beyonce

Fakin' it photo via Guardian UK

What's that theory about how the first moments in the new year are spent will shape the next 11 months? Well, it's best if we assume it to be malarky, otherwise we're looking at one shameful year to endure. If Beyonce can't muster up the pipes to honor Dr. King and Two-Termz with our nation's anthem on a truly historical day, well… we're fucked. If a demo at a Super Bowl press conference to the audience of journos who eat from the hand of the NFL like obedience school graduates is proving something or her definition of “apology”, then yes, we are in the year of the fucked.

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But there's good news, every band your older sibling loved while you were making Cobra Commander mount sissy's Barbies is getting back together for cool prices and headlining honors on a never-ending festival circuit. Talk to your bankers, dip into the 401K early and shell out the proper fees to see Belle & Sebastian, Blur, Bjork The Stone Roses, and Postal Service. Starting to think its a sign that the dollars in our wallets are mirror images of dollar signs in their eyes.

Beyonce, Historical Presidential Inauguration on Martin Luther King Day vs NFL Super Bowl Press Conference (Sports Authority)

Festival Lineups, Time machines are a reality thanks to Coachella and Pitchfork (Read the expose here)

Joey Bada$$ vs. Lil B, I'm Gay vs. He's Gay (Ether-less Sister-Kissing Stalemate)

The Strokes, Announcing This Is It and It sounds like The Moog Cookbook sodomizing J. Timberlake (RCA)

Morrissey, “Flint, MI Knows I'm Miserable Now” w/ “Frankly, Mr. Shankly tell them my band is sick I haven't used that excuse yet” (Rough Trade)

Chief Keef, Pitchfork Snitches Get Stitches (Interscope)

Manti Te'o Scandal, Dissolving into promo for MTV's Catfish and Dr. Phil (Tuiasosopo Records)

Chris Brown, Taking Grammy's and parking spots personal (Jive Records)

Christopher Owens, Sorry boys, going solo so I'm not mistaken for Lena Dunham (Fat Possum)

HMV closes, Tower Records and Virgin Megastores 2: What's a chain record store? I use Spotify (Broken Records)

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