Week in Sports: Rex Ryan's foot fetish, NFL playoff picture, Christmas basketball

Derek Evers

New England Patriots at the Buffalo Bills

This is what 34-3 looks like on a cell phone.

The holidays brought with it a week of marquee basketball, some clarity to the NFL playoff picture, and feet?

Foot and balls
Overshadowing all of the week's action on the field were Michelle Ryan's size eights. For the record, that's a guestimate, but as an expert in the female foot, I would say they're no bigger than a nine. Rex Ryan's wife took the brunt of the team's usual unwanted PR this week, and unlucky for her, the Jets backed into the playoffs, meaning we can expect at least two more weeks of foot fetish jokes. “Football” is not just a sport folks.

Playoff cloud clearing up
Feet aside, the NFL playoff picture became a lot clearer after week 15, especially in the AFC. The Kansas City Chiefs and Baltimore Ravens clinched playoff spots with victories Sunday, while the Indianapolis Colts now control their own destiny after a 31-26 victory over the Oakland Raiders. The Jets lost (surprise!), but still made it into the playoffs thanks to one of the league's easiest schedules (and more specifically, the Jacksonville Jaguars loss to the Redskins). And of course, the Patriots won the AFC East and home field throughout the playoffs in a retardedly one-sided game that I happened to witness in person.

Meanwhile, the only thing accomplished in the NFC was the Philadelphia Eagles clinching the NFC East by way of the Giants the 45-17 debacle to the Green Bay Packers. Not sure if it deserves a call from the President, but signing Michael Vick looks like a pretty smart move right now. The Packers will get the No. 6 seed if they beat the Bears next week and the New Orleans Saints will clinch a playoff spot with a Monday night win over the Falcons tonight. Both the Falcons and Bears are already in.

Fire and ice
No one expected a blizzard that would force the Eagles, Vikings game to be postponed until Tuesday. This marks the third week in a row the Vikings have been forced to alter game plans because of weather related incidents. They weren't alone this week however, as the Giants and Patriots were forced to stay an extra night waiting to get home to the northeast. Baltimore Ravens free safety Ed Reed found a way to stay warm on the sidelines though: He just started his jacket on fire.

Samurai Mike faces the sword
Unlike the snow, everyone was expecting Mike Singletary to be fired this season. Maybe he deserved a chance to finish out the season, but if you can't win the NFC West in a year when a team with a losing record will take the division, I guess that would just mean prolonging the inevitable.

Eastern power movement
Of course with Christmas comes premier NBA basketball, and this year proved up to the challenge of keeping your attention away from the dinner table. The Knicks continued to show people they're for real by beating another quality opponent in the Chicago Bulls, while the Orlando Magic might be proving doubters of their epic trades wrong by becoming the first team to end two opponent's 10-game winning streaks in back to back games.

As if anyone needed more proof the Eastern Conference is now the power conference, the Miami Heat stomped all over the defending champs 96-80, once again proving LeBron James is the best regular season player money can buy. Of course, the Heat won't make the finals, but now I'm left thinking the Lakers won't either.

LeBron suffers from foot in mouth disease
And what would be a week in the NBA without LeBron sticking his size 15s in his mouth? This time he said the NBA should consider contraction so more teams could have a big three like the Heat, mentioning teams like the Clippers and NJ Nets as contractible options. Before someone tells LeBron that the Heat and their 14th average attendance would've been a great contraction option prior to Dwayne Wade showing up, let me debunk his theory a bit further.

The most dominant league in America is the NFL, which is also the one with most profitable small market teams, a salary cap, and wealth redistribution. The reality is that stars don't
make leagues great, the ability for every team in every market to be
good does. But don't blame LeBron; MLB and the NHL, along with the NBA, have failed to wake-up and take notice.

King of Brooklyn
By the way LeBron, the Nets will be the most popular team in the NBA when they move to Brooklyn. And to you and everyone passing them over, you will look back with regret when you realize you could've been the star on the first pro team to play in Brooklyn since
Jackie Robinson's Dodgers.

Thinking of the Anthonys
Carmelo Anthony hasn't passed on Brooklyn yet. In fact it seems the borough native is ultimately deciding between the Knicks and the Nets, but all the Melo-talk took a horrible blow
this week as his sister Michelle suddenly died at the age of 36 of a pre-existing medical condition, leaving behind four
children. Our thoughts and prayers go out to the Anthony family in what must be a very difficult Christmas season.

When teammates attack
Like last week, we won't leave you on such a somber note. It may have been a short one, but this week did provide an answer to the age old question of what is more fun to watch than basketball players fighting in the stands? Two players from the same team fighting on their day off. Thanks Mississippi State for clearing that up.

Now if we can only figure out how to defy gravity.

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