What were the San Antonio Spurs drinking?

Andy Livingston

Following an almost improbable loss to the Los Angeles Clippers, the Spurs won’t be able to defend their championship. In order to soothe the pain, the whole team went out and got wicked drunk in LA. Sure the video is pretty funny to watch, but what about the real facts? What were the Spurs drinking to get that messed up?

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Who is it?

Patty Mills and some dude. Patty Mills is the fifth-year guard out of Australia who has balanced being the heir to Tony Parker’s throne and also just not being enough of an offensive threat to be a cornerstone of the Spurs offense.

What was he drinking?

Fosters? Some fancy drink made out of vegemite? Something called a Bundaberg?

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Who is it?

Boris Diaw. The formerly maligned Charlotte Bobcats/Hornets bust joined up with the Spurs a couple years ago and became a fan-favorite for his soft hands and large size. He was especially vital in the Spurs finals win last season.

What was he drinking?

Wine, obviously.

diaw

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Who is it?

Tony Parker. The point guard for the Spurs modern era, Parker was ravaged with age and injuries in 2015 and just couldn’t get going in the series against the Clippers. He also used to be married to Eva Longoria and may have had an affair with a teammates wife.

What was he drinking?

Something substantial to temper his internal love flame. So, probably Fireball?

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Who is it?

Aron Baynes and Tim Duncan. The third-string center and the face of the Spurs. From the video you can tell later that Timmy wore one of his trademark flannels to the club, and whatever he was holding, he could handle it better than the 28-year old Kiwi Baynes.

What were they drinking?

We all had better expectations for a New Zealander and their drinking prowess, so it must have been straight Absinthe shots for Baynes. While Tim Duncan probably lived a little and put a lime in his seltzer water.

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