How to Have a Successful Westworld-Themed Tour

Post Author: Impose Automaton

Rare Futures decided to “jump the shark” and go full-on cyborg for their week-long west coast run with Hearts Like Lions. They had extensive futuristic surgeries to implant Shredditude, AutoTune, Drum Fills 2.0, and tons of other next-gen musical technology into their bodies. Some say the band has never sounded better. Founding member Matt Fazzi had this to say: “01110000 01101111 01101111.”
Despite the inevitable backlash from religious groups, political organizations, and People of Good Taste all around the world, he will not revoke his statement and the whole band stands by it.
Rule #1: Robots are temperamental. They must get loads of solar energy. But also not too much, lest they overheat and explode. A slightly cloudy Arizona skyscape should be just right.
Rule #2: Don’t confuse robots & desert vampires – robots DO have a reflection, and they WILL make sexy faces at themselves in mirrors.
Rule #3: Although horses are no longer our standard mode of transportation, it is still in good taste to say “git along little doggy” when traversing through desert landscapes. Note the two little doggies on the dashboard.
Rule #4: Everyone knows a cowboy’s three most well-known traits are staring at horizons, contemplating horses, and using laptops.
Rule #5: In the old west, you might have had to stop to “empty out the horse” (literally), but these modern cybernetic times call for “pull the van over”. Use liberally.
Rule #6: When approaching a choice on tour, huddle up and calculate your chances of success. Always use the solution that involves eating tacos.
Rule #7: Hang and have meals with your tour homies, even if they’re just normal non-cybernetic organisms. This is all of Rare Futures, part of Hearts Like Lions, and some misc crew & homies. Bonus points if you can figure out who everyone is.
Rule #8: A fellow musician may find himself unable to remember whether he was ascending or descending the stairs. In this case, Luke from Hearts Like Lions needed a CTRL+ALT+DEL and a push in the right direction.
Rule #9: You may bring along a human crew member to help with everything, but you must implant ability chips in his brain while he sleeps. Brent has x-ray vision now, but we haven’t told him how to turn it on yet. 

L to R: Tour Manager Meg-a-tron 3000 holding Nathan Dogbot, Matt_Fazzi.jpg, Digital Brent, Richard RAM, Jason 3.0, and Ari-robo-bo.

Rule #10: Survive and persevere as a team. If one digi-friend is short circuiting, hugs and positive thinking can reboot the ikigai* centers in the cerebral cortex. 4 AM, the last night, pre-power down.
* Ikigai (生き甲斐) (Ikigai): a ‘reason for being,’ the sense that its worthwhile to continue living. Definition taken from Dr. Tim Lomas’ Positive Lexicography