Fight e-reader discrimination

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Alright, enough of this e-reader discrimination. I, a well-off media member, am ticked. Yeah, I know you're stupid little coffeeshop doesn't allow computers between noon and 3pm, but this here is a KINDLE. No, not a NOOK. No, not an iPad.

Hey struggling artist-stereotype guy behind the aerodynamic coffee shop counter, don't you know the difference? I can't compute on this thing. This is a KINDLE, only the most popular e-reader on the planet, according to its founder and owner who may or may not be biased, we really don't know for sure.

Anyway, good thing this is summer, so I can call it a FREEDOM SUMMER, freedom from your evil locavore-organic-trying-to-turn-tables-to-make-a-buck-in-a-low-margin-industry ebook/Internet tyranny. Ever heard of those lunch counter sit-ins in Greensboro? That's what this is: Discrimination with a capital SCRIM. This is an injustice, and I won't take this sitting down or standing up until my e-reader is recognized as a book not a computer. This is reading, for heaven's sake. How dare you hate on the Kindle. How dare you hate on new gadgets. THIS IS PROGRESS, SO MOVE

….Sorry artist-stereotype coffee guy, I got carried away, I'll admit. It's just so hard being an e-reader reader these days. Don't you know it's harder to pick up girls now when they can't see I'm totally into Infinite Jest?

It sucks in other ways too. If people use e-readers I can't judge a book by its cover. I can't judge the person who is too old to be reading Harry Potter. I can't judge the fat women reading Louis L'Amour. I can't tell if someone is faking through Infinite Jest or is authentic about it. Still, who are you to shut down e-reader freedom?

I'll write a highly-influential piece about in a totally tolerant, elitist newspaper then we'll see who's right.