Ke$ha will distribute condoms at her concerts with her face plastered on them, according to a Griffin that flew down from Golgotha and dropped a blood-stained press release onto a marble altar.
As we all know, abstinence is the key to proper sexual education, and these condoms will go a long way to keep our teenagers happy and practicing forms of non-vaginal intercourse. One look at Ke$ha's face, and it's likely that the parties involved will become de-aroused and choose to play Jenga or clean out the fridge, any activity that doesn't involve their genitals and Ke$ha, whatsoever.
Ke$ha has said that if the condoms break (which they most certainly will because they are made from old newspapers and Chinese honey), users will have to “name your son or daughter after me.” That is, if they want their kids to get teased for being named “Talentless Fame Whore” (Tila Tequila is taken).
