With Thanksgiving comes all sorts of over indulgence. The biggest partying night of the year, the biggest eating day of the year, the biggest shopping day of the year, and this time I'm going to roll the dice and make it my biggest gambling day of the year.
Last week I went with plenty of underdogs and it cost me. Barely breaking .500 in week 11, I went 9-7 to bring my overall record to 29-14. Thankfully, Thanksgiving gives me my redemption song, because what better way to spend the day then screaming at a television for the Lions to beat the spread? Come on Lions, my kidney depends on you.
Prediction: God I hate the Patriots. Here's hoping for a Thanksgiving miracle, but after such a rough week, I need to go with reality. Sadly, Detroit has no chance.
Prediction: Watching the Cowboys lose is particularly fun when you're stuffed full of turkey. Especially seeing Jerry Jones squawk around until his neck gets all red like a wattle. Ah, the holidays.
Prediction: I'd like to take a moment and give thanks to the NFL for hosting a third game on their own network and not allowing half the country to view it because of television licensing rights. Even though they're the largest money-making sport in America, I applaud this ironic use of a “giving” holiday to keep the less fortunate from watching their holy game. Looks like I'll have to hear about the Jets losing via all their whiny fans on Facebook.
Prediction: Ah, two bygone stereotypes living on in the nicknames of NFL franchises. Do I go with the blatantly racist, or blatantly homoerotic? Let's give it to the Indians, they took a beating after the first Thanksgiving, I think we owe them one.
Prediction: This game is a match-up of my two NFC Super Bowl favorites, so it's really hard to find something crappy to say about either team. I'm still riding the Falcons to the big dance, and the only jokes I can muster up for the Packers are gay ones. I told myself I wouldn't go there.
Prediction: Yes, unfortunately they actually do have to play this game. I know how bad Carolina is, but I picked the Mangina to lose out the rest of the season, and damnit I will stand by that until he wins this game. For the record, that means I'm picking Carolina, even though I know they'll lose.
Prediction: I would love to see the Tennessee Titans come out in Houston Oilers jerseys to really fuck with everyone's head. If that happens, I'll go Titans. Since I know it won't and they'll be starting their third string QB, it's an easy Texans win.
Prediction: What happens when two mediocre teams, who have preyed on bad teams to have deceivingly positive records meet each other? An election breaks out! And like most elections in the US, the team from the South who can't fill their stadium will somehow beat the team from New York who has a waiting list 30-years long for people wanting to see them. And that my friends, is an analogy.
Prediction: Talk about conflict of interests; I've been rooting for the Bills to lose so they will get a top draft pick, and now they start winning and I don't know how to feel. That's probably what it's like to wait all night to make-out with Ben Roethlisberger in a night club bathroom, only to realize his near-rape is not what you expected. And like Ben's penis, the Bills will pull out the victory.
Prediction: The no one cares game of the week will see the first place Chiefs (yes, you read that right) dismantle the Seahawks. Not much else to say, since neither you or I will be watching.
Prediction: This is like a maritime fun fest; dolphins and pirates, pastel orange and greens, shiny silver… Could it get any gayer? Yes, when the Dolphins get raided in the blowhole.
Prediction: St. Louis is the most dangerous city in America, except for opposing football teams. AYO! No seriously, a lot of people get killed there. But this game is in Colorado, where the only thing you have to fear is stuffy white douchebags wearing Abercrombie while skiing in thin air. I'll take my chances in St. Louis.
Prediction: Two old school teams going head to head. This game's got a real vintage NFL, dog fight feel. Like two pit bulls gauging and gnawing each others faces until one is so bloody and near death you have to put it out of it's misery. And unlike Jay Cutler, Michael Vick knows how to seal the deal. Philadelphia in a close one.
Prediction: The challenge of the wannabes pits two of the hardest teams to read against one another. Both are 7-3, but haven't looked very dominant at any point in the season. Hell, I honestly have no idea who even plays on the Buccaneers. But like the intro said, I'm a betting man and the mystery factor has me intrigued. Let's go Bucs.
Prediction: Everyone expects the Chargers to make a late season run, but Payton Manning is pissed. He lost last week on a game ending interception. Payton Manning pissed is like when Robocop found out Red Forman killed his family; no one will be left alive. I'd buy the Colts for a dollar!
Prediction: Bye Mike Singletary.
