Who can fix FIFA?

Andy Livingston

Sepp Blatter

FIFA President Sepp Blatter was at the center of the storm during the arrests for corruption and kickbacks levied against the organization by the U.S. Attorney General last week. Though FIFA officials faced severe punishment, Blatter held onto his position as President after his only opponent, Prince Ali bin al-Hussein of Jordan, dropped out of the running before an equally-corrupt vote took place last week. Despite Blatter’s lie vow to rid the organization of the corruption that led to this mess, we, like most of the world, didn’t believe him. But it now appears as if good old’ Sepp is holding his promise, announcing his surprise resignation earlier today. Despite this good news, the reigning body still exists and it’s still a mess, so who will be up to the task of sussing it all out? We have some suggestions as to whom can help keep the sweet money out of their FIFA hands.

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Mark E Smith

Mark E Smith

The longtime frontman for The Fall has no problem kicking out someone he doesn’t like. And I imagine there will be plenty of people he doesn’t like in the FIFA meetings.

Pros:

This will probably happen more:

Cons:

He doesn’t work well with people.

Chance the Rapper

Chance-the-Rapper-Family1

The Acid Rapper known for his positivity just dropped what could be the album of the summer with Donnie Trumpet & The Social Experiment’s Surf. His posi outlook would go far in an organization seemingly poisoned at the roots.

Pros:

He might actually be a soccer fan.

Cons:

We still need a proper follow up to Acid Rap and we need whatever he has in the tank for another Donnie Trumpet & The Social Experiment album before anything else.

Tilda Swinton

Tilda-Swinton-610x309

The intense actress has two roles under her belt that could provide great preparation for leading a FIFA boardroom: Snowpiercer and Michael Clayton.

Pros:

Could be a wizard, but would scare anyone out of further corruption real quick.

Cons:

She is way too cool for that gig.

Vanya & Gokul

vanya-shivashankar-gokul-venkatachalam-scripps-national-spelling-bee

The 2015 Spelling Bee co-champs have won all of the goodwill with their masterful performance of the fun event and can outsmart folks trying to get their pockets lined.

Pros:

They might have bigger things in mind.

Cons:

No child should be subject to FIFA.

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