When somebody asks you what you do, what do you tell them?
Sometimes I say I am an entertainer because it's kind of innocuous and obnoxious at the same time, kind of like me I guess, and also it rings of old showbiz, my favorite kind of showbiz. Other times I say I am a professional moron because it feels that way a lot. Or if I am talking to someone's parents I say I am a performer and writer who mostly does comedy stuff and I also play rock-n-roll music when the time is right for rocking. This is a trick answer though because the time is always right for rocking.
You wear some good suits, who's your tailor?
Thank you. Most of the suits I wear are either by Merc or Paul Smith . My favorite suit though, I bought on the street in London last fall. I'm not sure who made it but it's an insanely thick tweed suit from the 70s. I could take a bullet in it and be completely unharmed. I imagine I will some day. As for my actual tailor though, I used to go to Balabanis on the ground floor of the Chelsea Hotel. He was an old Greek man who taught me that- when in doubt- go tighter. Words to live by. He moved back to Greece though, so I'm kind of adrift when it comes to someone tackling my inseam at the moment.
You once mentioned you wanted to”become pretty fucking sweet at pretty much everything there is to be pretty fucking sweet at.” How far along in your quest are you?
It depends what day you ask me. It’s an ongoing battle. I am pretty good at playing heavy metal guitar solos, which is always a nice feeling, though I could be better. If you're having a slow day, you can just start shredding and the world seems like a better place. The toughest area right now is ice hockey. I was pretty good when I was a teenager but now I kind of suck at it. The 13 year-old me could skate circles around the current me. It's a hard thing to accept. I would like to attempt the luge at some point but I'm not sure how one goes about getting involved in that sort of thing. It seems like wearing one of those tight luge outfits and a helmet would be a good place to start.
You are wearing a Pentagram shirt, do you relate to 70s doom metal?
Big time. My favorites are Pentagram, Saint Vitus, and Sleep (Matt Pike’s band before High on Fire). I got interested in Pentagram because I was into Saint Vitus. I read that Saint Vitus were inspired by Pentagram and Black Sabbath, so I decided to seek it out. The Swedish band Witchcraft also started as a tribute to Pentagram. That is some trivia. Pentagram is awesome, one of the best bands of all-time in my opinion. Their name is misleading as people assume it’s Norwegian Black Metal or something. But in reality it’s more like Black Sabbath, Blue Cheer, and Cream or something. I listened to them constantly for about two years straight when I first discovered them. And then I would make everyone else listen to them when they came over. They played a show at Webster Hall recently and it was pretty awesome. I drank too much and just rocked out like I haven’t rocked out in a long, long time. Some guy kept hitting me in the face with his hair and I didn’t even sweat him for it that much.
What other things do you relate to?
I relate to Pee-wee Herman, dim sum, and naked chicks, thought not necessarily in that order or at the same time or anything. I also relate to dogs. When they pass me by on the street, I look them in the eye and think “Tell me about it. Tell. Me. About it.”
Your band went to Japan, are you big there now?
My level of celebrity in Japan is actually kind of ridiculous. I’m pretty much like Princess Diana there except for that I’m, you know, a dude. Whenever I’m in New York and see a group of young Japanese girls, my first instinct is to run for safety.
